“You’d think growing up with your parents running a dried flower shop wouldn’t really have an effect on you, that they’d keep business life and home life separate. But that’s kind of hard to do when you come down stairs one morning to watch that new show that you and all of your friends are really excited about, to find three massive sacks of lavender have replaced you on the sofa.
That wasn’t even the worst bit. The constant lavender around your house for ten years gives an effeminate touch to your natural scent. “But wouldn’t having a slightly effeminate fragrance help you with the ladies?” I hear you ask. Nope. I thought that too, but smelling like a girl does not draw girls to you, it labels you as one of the girls. I let that happen until the end of primary school, when I realised that girls are different.
So secondary school starts, and this time school is serious. You don’t even have to go to any classes to realise it’s serious, you just notice that you now have to wear a tie. Now believing that girls are the best thing to ever walk this Earth, I had to figure out a way to mask my feminine fragrance, and once and for all escape the friend-zone in every girl I meet. That’s when I found the perfect solution! If I doused myself in body-spray every morning, I would hide my lavender scent whilst sporting an aroma that claimed that girls would find me irresistible. It was a fool-proof plan!
So one morning before school, I sprayed and sprayed my new chosen scent onto my lavender-prone body: I had no idea what it would smell like, but it was called Apollo, so obviously it would make me smell like a God. After spraying, I knew it had worked, as I could no longer smell anything other than the body-spray, no more effeminate lavender scent clinging on to me. Now I was a man. A man ready to woo some ladies.
Truth be told, that day didn’t really work out that well.
I walked to school with my best mate, who instantly told me I was wearing too much spray, which made me slightly insecure, but it was fine. That was his reaction. He was a guy. I could still impress girls with it. Nope. The girls found my scent was too strong, so avoided me, and the girl who sat next to me in Spanish had an asthma attack. I’m sure it wasn’t related though. I only used one can to mask the lavender smell.
This whole day was rather embarrassing for me, so as soon as the bell went, I rushed home and jumped into the shower, to remove the overpowering scent and return to my natural lavender fragrance. It couldn’t be that bad could it?
Ironically, after a week of returning to my original scent, I found a girlfriend. One that liked my effeminate fragrance. She said it made me “cute”. So I was doing it wrong this whole time: I was trying to be a man, where I should’ve been myself.
I never have understood girls, and I probably never will.”